I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you are currently experiencing the gut wrenching, panic provoking, grief stricken, wildly upsetting experience of living with someone you love very much destroying your relationship over that nasty substance you have now come to despise and continually asking yourself WHY? You are in the right place. If you have ever thought, how can they keep doing this and know how deeply it is hurting me?! Don’t they realize how much this is affecting us?! Why can’t they see this is destroying our family?! If you are feeling desperate and as though you have tried everything to get them to understand or stop and unsure if you can keep going on like this – you have made it to the right place!
I know you are a good kind-hearted person who unfortunately now finds themselves in a completely unanticipated situation – one that you never asked to be in and feeling absolutely trapped or stuck. I am beginning this series of blogs to help bring you perspective, clarity, strength and answers. I want to offer you empowerment at a time where so much is out of your control. I want to offer you confidence in knowing you are not crazy, you are not asking too much and the hope of feeling good about what you can do in your situation.
I CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS BUT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
I can’t offer you a quick and easy fix, in fact, it may be some of the toughest work you will ever do; but I can help you get started on a journey to get some clarity and make you feel less crazy than you probably do right now. Addiction is brutal to endure even if you are not the one using. You may find yourself unable to sleep, filled with anxiety, a pit in your stomach most days and hypervigilence about your partner (what they are doing, where they are going, who they are texting, or what they are spending, etc). You may also be very confused about whether you are making it a big deal, over-reacting or just too plain uptight or you may be hearing those things from your partner.
This series of blogs are meant to help you on this most difficult journey, but for now there is one thing I want you to do your absolute best to focus on and that is YOU.
- Realize YOU have your own recovery and thought process you need to pursue healing with. Yes, I said you! Not your loved one! This may feel more confusing and even upsetting right now as you read this but I want to educate you to understand, addiction is a family problem. As you already realize, you don’t need to be the one using to feel the effects emotionally, mentally, physically or financially. You have got to work on your own change and take charge of what you CAN control for the sake of saving yourself, or any other family members and ESPECIALLY any children that may be involved. The more change in yourself you can accomplish, the more you are helping to increase the odds of your loved one getting better. You have tremendous influence (not with your words but with your actions) and obviously you can not control them or this would not be an issue by now however, you DO have control over yourself (even though you may doubt my words at this moment). You are not responsible for their addiction or their recovery but you can take responsibility for your own addiction recovery, as you are also suffering it’s secondary effects. You will need to trust me when I tell you this is where your power lies.
For, now, be encouraged, feel supported, and breathe. You can get through this. Please subscribe to my future blogs for more baby steps to the road to recovery. I am always here to schedule a session or offer virtual sessions. You can contact me at 503-395-8982. You can also follow me on FB Fulfillment Family Therapy, instagram @fulfillmentfamilytherapy and youtube Fulfillment Family Therapy for more continuous encouragement and guidance.
Below is some recommended reading for you to be able to take action now:
Baby step #1: Education (not on your partners behavior or addiction, but on your own.)